Sleep Study
Alright... I had that sleep study done... And it blew. I had to go there at 8:30. I get there... and i watch TV for awhile because there was jack to do. at about 9 this guy comes in and starts measuring my head, and drawing on me. Eventually i get a buncha tape and whole lotta wires attached to me. I watch TV for a bit longer... its about 10:30 now he comes back in "You ready?" "yeah sure why not" so i get all set up in the bed, he hooks some more wires to me... And he leaves. Then he comes back... just to tell me he's going to ask me some questions. So we go through a series of questions to test the stupid wires... Eventually he leaves me be. But now i can't fall asleep. i lay in the bed for about 30 minutes, right on the verge of sleep... he comes in again...gah! So it takes me another 15 20 minutes to fall asleep... but i do. I wake up periodicly during the night... cause i wasnt really tired. Eventually they come back in at 6:30 in the morning " hi im beth, its about 6:30... your moms coming at 8:30 right? so you got about 2 more hours *fix's a wire* sleep good" *Thumbs up* so i lay there sleep for an hour and lay there for an hour... she comes in " ok its 10 after eight! fill out this survey, you can take a shower... and give a week for your results" i fill out the survey and take a shower... and leave... my god that was worthless. after that... i go to another doctor... to see about my catscan i had thursday... "yup, it shows some fluid behind your ear... but since there are no symptoms, im not going to do anything" and he asks me about getting my tonsels and abnoids removed because if i do have sleep apnea it MIGHT cure it... pfft screw that.
This has been another exciting adventure from god! This is your daily dossage of mattage... singing off.
Emo sucks
I've been being really emo lately. I hate it. Sharing my emotions with people who just say "aww I'm sorry" or "that sucks" that doesnt help. But you know whatever. I'm tired of being like this. So I'm going back to holding it all in. It'll work. So don't expect many new posts, unless I'm actually really happy, or really PO'd or depressed. Lately my life is like a rubix cube. so hard to figure out, and once i do. it's too late, someone else has gotten it before me. I over think things so IF i ever do anything its too late. Most of the time, i Over think things and i dont do things at all. If i just stop thinking so much i would be better off than i am now. Atleast happier. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, but not what i want to be. I can't stop over thinking things, and what i want to happen, never does... because i over think it. Damnit.
Grr...
I've been really almost kinda depressed lately, and i sorda dont really know why... i mean... i know a little bit. It's stupid. I am the king of knowing stupid depression, and this is one of them. This blows. Grr...
Fears?
I Don't have much to fear. I don't fear death, because I'm not sure whats next, and frankly, right now. It's not important. I Don't fear spiders, or snakes, or bugs. I am not afraid of the biggest guy in our school. I'm not afraid of knowing. I am not afraid of getting my butt kicked in a fight, because i know i will make my point. Life isnt about being afraid of what can happen to you, or what may hurt. But thats what we are afraid of. So am I. But in a different sense.
My one fear in life. Is a complicated one. It may be complicated, but the simplicity of it, is frightening. I fear losing my friends. We're going to graduate, and people are going to leave. I don't want that to happen. People say; "You'll make new friends".
I don't want new friends. I love the ones i have. They are perfect. I don't know what i would do without the friends i have. I don't want us all to forget eachother, I don't want us to split up, and only remember eachother when we happen to get a letter about a reunion, or run across your name in a phonebook. That is my fear.
Me and brady talked. and He said he was going to visit people, and he wanted to have a yearly reunion or something, maybe we all hang out for a week long. I would like that, It would make me so happy to know I wouldn't lose the best people I've ever known. I promise you all if you ever need anything, call me up, come see me, I will try my hardest to help you, if you need a place to stay, by god, don't waste your money, stay with me. I invite you all. I plan on going to see everyone in the future at times. always be expecting a random call from me, to see if you want to go get coffee at 1 in the morning, or hang out for a weekend. or something. I can't live without you guys. woo!
So..
So, theres about 2 people i like. But im not exactly sure what to do... I know i probably dont have a chance with either, but hey.. thats the point of crush's right? or something... I plan on asking one of them to homecomming ( i think) I just want to talk to them both, and hang out and see what happens... because i dont want to like one and ask the other.. that wouldnt be right. Though. With my luck, i won't be going with either of them, so i probably should worry. hahah.
