All good things must come to an end...
What happened to me? I've seem to have fallen out of the loop... Fallen out of our 'clique'. I've been put-offish for a long time now... I keep seperating myself from everyone... All in my attempt to not show emotion. It's been working wonders... but i don't spend any time with my friends...... I'm busy as hell with everything I do. Between school, band, jazz, the play... well the play is over... and then i have other obligations... I don't have time for anything.
I miss my friends... some of them more than others. But i fear i've fallen out of the group... I'm an outsider again. Hooray...
Nothing seems to be going my way. Things are happening, I'm not going to mention. I'm getting screwed over. People lie to me. Lots of people lie.. I don't know waht to think about something anymore. Everything is so confusing. I'm going to give up again. YES! awesomeness. Hoor-freakin-ay.
What Happened?
The bright orange was too happy. Had to change it.
I've been extremely busy lately.. with the play.. and Band. The play took so much of my time. Band is taking the rest. It's taking so much effort just to get my school done. I have 3 math assignments to do(used to be 5), I have Honors Gov. Out my .... Chemistry like nothing before, Concert band test almost every week, English 11 book to read, german crap... And the play... jesus... that's my rant for today.
I helped with the play, as you all know. I built sets (along with brandon), moved sets, was even in a scene untill the day of the preformance... we had to many people in that scene. I spent on average 3 hours afterschool almost everyday helping with that play. IT comes time for the rehersals. Zach nagy , because he is Alec's brother... gets to help, and is "put in charge" of the set movements when Stephanie is not back there. Whenever she isn't... Who was the one telling just about everyone what to do? Myself. Why? because this little punk of an 8th grader, was too busy getting his 'groove' on with sarah jansma. Slut. So... Review time. I put in 3 months to the play. He puts in roughly a week. at the end of the play... They give off awards. I'm not expecting one, because-- I'm not in the class. They gave Zach, an award... saying he did all the set movements, and he was the 'leader', and how he moved this half ton sets all by himself, he was the whole freakin crew apparently. He did
JACK SHIT, now; I'm not mad that I did not get an award... I'm mad because he got one, and did nothing to deserve it. I ask Charles about this, telling him... That everyone gives him credit saying "you saved the day" blah blah blah. He told me "well, he's in 8th grade it'll be good for his ego, plus we bought into that whole thing" What the hell is that? Relapse time. I spend 3 months working on the play. Zach spends a week (builds nothing), I make sure everything gets moved backstage, Zach flirts with slut. Zach gets award, I get 8th grade ego boost remark?
This isn't even right.
Also, they want to do another production this weekend. Why? Because they paid for the auditorium. Which is understandable... If it was still first semester. These kids are not getting ANYTHING from this. No grade, they are already out. Certainly not money. What about those of us who never got anything? They are asking these kids... to come out... leave their plans, that they had made after the play timeframe.. just SO it did not interfere... they want them to take time out of their lives for this? For what? so they can get the schools money's worth?.. It's completely wrong. I'm thinking about skipping the thursday practice, just to see if the zach kid, really can do it all himself. I'm sure it will be done.. but at the rate, everything will take TWICE as long.
That's my rant.. hope you enjoyed my complaining.
Pissed off.
I am up to my neck in "don't give a shit". I'm through. I give up. Fucking parents, pressure me and push me untill I'm at the top, and then push me even fucking more. They relentlessly cease to give a shit. I'm FED UP with being treated like I am inferior, to a FUCKING PET. They treat their goddamn birds like they are FUCKING GODS. FUCK THAT. They treat me as if I'm a slave instead of a REAL FUCKING PERSON, DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MARY POPPINS TO YOU? They respect about as much as they respect the shit the dog just took. Fuck this. Fuck it all. I'm FED UP. Fucking FED UP. I don't care about the language in this one. Why? I'M PISSED THE FUCK OFF. They've pushed me too far, straight to the GODDAMN edge. One more time, come on.
ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I'm
so close to snapping.
If I don't talk at school tomarrow. This is why.
So, saying I would continue this. Lets go. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm working on my way to not showing my emotions anymore, like I used to. I have seen no retribution from revealing myself, only things that bother me. No positive influence has come from this, only dissapointment. So That's basically All i wanted to add.
No title this time. I didn't know what to put. Nothing is happening, and I see things falling apart before me, yet it is all still intact. If that makes sense. No brady... its not THAT emo. Just things are happening, that I did not expect to happen, things that should not. But.. Oh well, I'll live, i'll move on, and some people will end up with more out of things, and some people with less.
Students are throwing a fit becasue they are being forced to disect things. They call it, unnatural, and inhumane. It's already dead. Get over it. Kind of makes you think about vegitarians. the animal rights kind. They say "It's just wrong to eat another living thing like that.. blah blah blah" well, as once said by a man greater than I... I shall eat 3 helping of meat just because of you guys. HAH! not really gtg for now... more later
New Years with a pinch of Tidal Wave.
Well... Rachel wanted some "Matt Knowledge" as she put it, so i decided I'd give her some.
Ah, the New Year, what can we expect? Well, for one thing, we can expect me to keep putting 04, on all my papers, cause we know i'll forget. But i'm expecting better things from this year. I want it to be different, I wasted last year... And you begin to realize just how close you are to Graduation. And you still have no idea what the freak is going on. But i plan to make the most of this year... Because... I wasted last year... yes.... It's all becoming clear now...
I MUST TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! We all heard about the Tidal wave or the Tsunami (sp?) as it's called. I have a question-- Why is the United States involved, We're literally potty training Iraq, and now we're helping with that?
They have found no dead animals in all this wreckage... why? They ate them all. Thats what I say. They ate all the animals, those dirty communists. I heard on the T.V. 2 or 3 days after the incident, that a lady "had not eaten for 5 days" why the hell do we care? thats before the wave, Psh, she wouldnt have eaten anyway-- She found a dog i bet.
But, enough with that, Rachels blog said that she never told anyone anything, and they had a problem with that... and now she tells them.. and they twist it and blow it up in her face. Whats wrong with people? Never satisfied. I myself, was not an open person, and people pried, always trying to get into it and "help". Well it doesn't and when people do tell you something, it's not because they wan't you to go around and screw with crap, it's because they trust you and expect you to understand. My advice to you people who do that, is to not take things into your own hands, Your causing more problems than you are fixing, did the person originally ask for you to get involved? no? then don't. They just want to get it off their chest... because they know they can talk to you.
I'm typing alot in here... Man. I've been bored... And plan to continue being bored, because I have no plans.... Anyone want to make plans?
G'day.
