I know who I want to take me home

Bad Luck.

I swear. I have THE worst luck. First. I back my dads car into a pole. He pretty much freaks out a that... Then I get into trouble for staying at Rachel's house a bit too late... and even worse yet.. on the way home from Rachel's house... I hit a goddamn deer. A DEER. I crested a hill and there it was, I pressed on the brakes, and luckily was able to slow down enough to not cause any damage.... The deer got up and ran away... I called my parents, and it gave me the answering machine the first time.. and then I tried their cell phones... it rang and then gave me the voicemail... tried the cells again and it went straight to the voicemail... they shut off their phone. well thats just freakin lovely. GAH! Deer. As Kyle said... they love the light.

posted by Matt @ 12:23 AM 1 comments

time flows by

I was gonna put a song here, but that'd be kinda lame eh? it's a song I wrote, and maybe I'll put it here later. but have you ever had this feeling?

You know people care for you, and you know no matter what happens they will be there... yet you still feel alone, and like no one cares... because the person you want to care like that, doesnt?

If you do... I've felt that way before, It's not a great feeling and It is hard to describe. You know whats wrong... yet you don't. Either that or you don't want to know whats wrong. Sometimes people just like to have that lingering feeling. People say it and you try to believe it... but you can't ALWAYS be happy, you have to be sad if even only for a couple of seconds. Life just flows by in a matter of minutes and moments and we're too busy to stop and realize it.

Many people don't realize it, but I am actually a good person to talk to. I may not seem like it.. because I'm a bit of a spaz... but I do love to listen to people (if you are my friend) I love to help people out, and give advice.. or just to listen if they want to get something off their chest. I used to do it for Kelly and Bekah alot... Also.. I'm good at keeping secrets.. you know why? because I can't remember them half the time =P... just kidding. But if you guys ever need someone to talk to... ya know i'm here... anyway. that was random..


You know what a good song is? Mr. Brightside(the killers)... You know what another good song is? Sweet Dreams(dont remember the name)... Another... Church on Sunday(Green Day).. another... 500 miles (The Proclaimers) i think thats the name of the song...

posted by Matt @ 11:41 PM 3 comments

Tag you're it.

someone gave me this:

1)List ten things you enjoy, even when no one is around. What lowers your stress / blood pressure / anxiety level? Make a list, post it to your journal, and then tag five friends and ask them to post it to theirs. Do it now because it's fun.

1. Read- I love to read.
2. Blast Music, even oldies- I love music.. I could cut out all the vocals and still be happy.
3. Listening to people who don't talk alot- talk.
4. Bike Ride- Gives me time to think, or not think. And it makes me feel less stressed.
5. Watching the rain- This is relaxing. I'll add dancing and singing in the rain here.
6. Passing cities on the highway at night. I love all the lights. its pretty.
7. PLAN HOW I AM GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! BWHAHA....again.- Self explanitory.
8. Singing when no one is around- now, you may think that this is a bad thing, and i need to sing in public more.. but theres just something about it that makes you feel good.
9. Ranting- Now, I actually ahve fun while I do this, and I try to make it funny. Most people find it humorous. but it actually does clear some of that anxiety.
10. just simply hanging out with friends, it gets you away from everything and its like a cleansing of the system.

.... I tag... Rachel, Justin, Phil, Becca, and for the hell of it, cause she reads this every now and then. Chelsey. Go forth and do this!

posted by Matt @ 1:15 AM 3 comments

Ode.

Friendships will end
As new ones begin..
My heart cries out
and I don't know where to start

I say i'm happy for you
I smile a time or two
Yet inside I want to cry
because I may be happy for you...
But not for me

Chorus:
Don't go yet
Don't leave yet
I'm not ready for us to part
So
Don't go yet
Don't leave yet
Because we're just about to start

Sitting in the rain
dealing with the strain
feel it pounding on my heart
yet it only seems to stain

Somtimes when
I see you
I can't stop
the memories

What will happen when we leave?
Will we all change?
For the better?
for the worse?
well..

Chorus:
Don't go yet
Don't leave yet
I'm not ready for us to part
So
Don't go yet
Don't leave yet
Because we're just about to start

don't go yet
Don't leave yet
I'm not ready for this part..

That was inspired by many different peoples thoughts and feelings as of late, It's not that great, I know. hah.

posted by Matt @ 1:57 PM 5 comments

Soft Spot

If you thought I was a hard person... I'm really not.. I'm actually pretty much a softy... example:

So Today... My mom went and got her new puppy.. it's a long haired Miniature Dauschund. You knoe something that REALLY bugs me? Taking an animal like that. I hate it. I feel so bad and sad when I take a puppy away from its mom & family. I feel even worse.. when you have to put it down for the evening to sleep.. because you have to make it go to sleep.. but you can't touch it when it cries.. so it learns? What kind of fucked up world is this? That's way too much for something like that... I wouldn't be able to handle that.

It makes me incredibly sad to think about it, it's just wrong. Don't get me wrong... I like the puppy.. but... I feel bad. Tonight... when my mom put it in its new bed thingy, and turned out the lights.. it sat there and cried and yelped... I wanted to cry! holy crap!

What right do we have to take something from their parents or family like that? So what if we are the most advanced race on the planet, or the smartest.. Homo Sapian sapian?! why the hell did we put "smart smart"?! That's just wrong.. lol I feel bad... O_o

Eventually the ties where down and they stop crying, or rather... he's cried himself to sleep.. anyone else think thats horribly wrong? but what can you do? Blah. People suck.

posted by Matt @ 11:42 PM 1 comments

Loss for words.

Lately I've been at a loss for words. If you know me I can usually jabber on for hours. -- Maybe not hours, but you get the idea. I haven't wrote a thing of Matt's Wisdom in a while for that reason... I don't know what to write about. Though, after Rachel said it in her Blog/Journal... I think I shall write about Depression.

What makes a person think they are depressed? What classifies you as depressed? Is it all mental? or is it biological? Is that why medication can "supress" the feelings? Who TRUELY knows. We're supposed to take doctors words for things, but they have been wrong so many times... why is it we take their word for this?

I don't think being depressed is when you want to kill yourself, think you are worthless. No... thats depressing but it is not depressed. I think being depressed is something you allow yourself to be. I'm not saying you can turn it off and on, but its more of an emotion. That's why you FEEL depressed. Not to be confused with sad... Sad is when something bad has happened. Or something of the like. Depressed is when you can no longer feel happy. You no longer want to laugh. To take an exerpt from a friend... Hope he doesn't mind :
"The darkness that consumes me is the punishment for messing up....i have messed up everything in life, including other peoples lives....i try not to mess up but it only makes things worse...in the end, all the things i know and all the people i love....thats one big mess up too....i seek help from friends, i seek quideance, i seek the only thing that friends can give me....but not even friends try to help me....i should just never do or say anything, but that would turn into a big mess up....friends tell me that if i dont always mess up that i wouldnt need to apologize so much.....their right too....if i can figure out what i mess up on, then i wouldnt have to apologize so much."

That is depressed. You can no longer function normally without feeling... like that. Now why do we allow ourselves to get this way? We just stop thinking about everything that we have ahead of us, we concentrate on what could have been rather than what will be.

People need to laugh more. We need to stop being so serious about things. Now I'm not suggesting that we all stop drop and roll... but rather that when we break a nail... Wreck your parents car *cough*, or lose the TV remote, that we don't go int oa fit of crying and whining... laugh about it. The night I wrecked my dad's car... I wasn't crying myself to sleep and wondering when I would next see daylight. I was laughing as Justin as my witness.

If depression is biological, then it is something we obviously cannot help. They now make medication to supress these depressed feelings and make you see the brighter side of life. Be more social, let you know what there is to live for-- why don't we just give people some alchohol? hah.

That's all I can think of for now.. I may add more to this later. This wasn't as good as past wisdoms, but ...yeah.

This has been your weekly broadcasting of Matt's Wisdom.

posted by Matt @ 6:43 PM 2 comments

= (

Well... I'd love to post about the day before Brady's party... or Brady's party... or hell today... but...I just wrecked my dad's car... and... I'm screwed...

Rachel... Thank you for being such an awesome friend.. and the only one to offer to come pick me up. Your such an awesome friend and it's great to know I can rely on someone like you. If you EVER need ANYTHING let me know, and I will try my hardest to do it or get it.

posted by Matt @ 10:57 PM 4 comments

But Rachel did it...

SURVEY
1) What time is it right now? 8:00 pm
2) Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Matthew Ryan Cutcher
3) Nickname(s): Matt, Matty, Cutch ( only people who dont really know me call me that)
4) Parents name: Ronald and Antonia
5) Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 17!!
6) When do you regularly blow them out: June 4th
7) Companion Animals: 5 birds (die bastards) 3 dogs
8) Eye color: Blue
9) Hair color: Sandy I guess... err... someone want to tell me? I dont look at my hair much..
10) Piercing: no!
11) Tattoos: no
12) How much do you love your job?: Dont have one... YET
13) Favorite color: Blue
14) Hometown: Billtown, MI
15) Current Residence: Billtown, MI
16) Favorite food: Edible kind.
17) Been to Europe: Yup! twice. Germany.
18) Have you ever toilet papered anything: Sisters room.
19) Loved somebody so much it made you cry: This is besides family right? I dunno.
20) Been in a car accident: nope... I'm a safe Driver!! ask Rachel... =D
21) On salad, do you want Croutons or bacon bits?: both
22) Sprite or 7UP: 7up
23) Favorite Movie: I Love anything that can make me laugh
24) Favorite Holiday: St. Patricks day
25) Favorite day of the week: Friday
26) Favorite word or phrase: Last it would have been "pineapples will rule the world!" but... now... I'm not sure.
27) Favorite Toothpaste: The kind you use.
28) Favorite Restaurant: bravo WAS good.
29) Favorite Flower: Tulips.
30) Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Rachel had a good answer for this one. clever. O_o
31) Favorite sport to watch: hockey.
32) Preferred type of ice cream: SUPERMAN!!
33) Favorite Sesame Street Character: Never watched it
34) Favorite Disney or Warner Bros.: Marty the Martian
35) Favorite Fast Food Restaurant: Wendy's
36) When was your last hospital stay: LAst year.
37) What color is your bedroom carpet: Wood
38) How many times did you fail your driver's test: I didnt.
39) Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Nope.
40) Who was the last person you hugged?: Rachel.
41) Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: I don't like credit cards.
42) What do you do most often when you are bored: Read, Bike ride.
43) Name the person that you are friends with that lives the furthest away: Lyn
44) Favorite class: BAND!!!!
45) What time do you go to bed? 11:30pm-12:00 am
46) Who was the last person to call you? uhh.... I dont get very many calls.. probably Ski.
47) What/who are you currently obsessed with? Losing weight! damnit!! (excuse my langauge) and hanging out with friends.
48) Favorite all time TV show: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
49) Last person you went out to lunch with: Myself
50) Last Movie you went to: Kingdom of Heaven
51) What time is it right now? 8:06... holy crap that was fast.

posted by Matt @ 7:58 PM 5 comments

Epiphany

You know, I realized.. through all my worrying and such... It's not worth it. I should take things as they come and not try to change them. I'm pretty much done in my attempt to get a girlfriend. Somethings just aren't going to happen, and I have to deal with it. On this not, because I have stop worrying about it so much... I'm back to being the old me! that's right. I'm gonna be loud again! I'm going to try and hang out with all you people again, I wasn't really trying before, just kinda hoping someone would invite me to something.

Mmkay, so lets play some word association/fill in the blank... some of these will be about me.. so be honest and say the first thing that comes to your mind.

Matt is _______

Matt should _______

House-

Cat-

Cell phone-

Fan-

Summer-

Graduation-

Exercising is ______

If I were Matt I would ________

I ______ Matt because ______

T.V.-

Shoes-

Friends-

Family-

Legos-

Mmkay thats all I can think of. Everyone who reads this has to fill this out... why? because. That's right. Because.

posted by Matt @ 10:44 PM 6 comments

Scratch that

Yeah that last post... You can ignore it if you want... because... I felt really sad.. and... it was stupid. Rachel made it a rule that you can't delete posts.. so.. yeah.


School... Was ok, another day... Brady gave me one of those school scarf thingies... it is SO cool. I was suprised when katie gave me a birthday present.. she called me over, and I was expecting to be nailed with something.

Tonight.. went to jakes for a bon-fire. It was awesome.


"you just play the g-string"

"fantasy position"

"The cowses and the horses"

"MARSHMELLOWS!!! ... I don't like marshmellows"

"I think I'll have a cookie...frosted sugar cookie..."

"I don't like frosting"

"It's pooping gum?"

"twinkle twinkle had a little star"


So many more.. These are the reasons I am afraid to graduate. I don't want to lose things like this!!

posted by Matt @ 11:16 PM 4 comments

Communication skills?

I've noticed lately, after talking with Rachel for a bit... that I'm not as talkative as I used to be. I used to be able to chatter for hours. I could go on for hours. About absolutely nothing. Now... I can hardly hold a conversation... Rachel.. you may say I'm paranoid... but I'm not really... I mean about somethings... yeah.. but others.. not really. I personally.. believe this lack of talking is due to the gap in my hanging out with friends. I havent hung out with anyone lately.. and that bugs me. We need to get together soon. Just a group of us.. Hang out. I've been trying to hang out with a person for a while, and they are always busy... you probably know who you are... and I don't mean any offense by this. Just merely venting. Other than the talking on my part. I haven't been exactly happy lately, and I think thats why.. I get the feeling that I'm losing my friends. Now that may seem critical, and you'll say "thats not true!" but it's the feeling I get.

posted by Matt @ 7:00 PM 5 comments